I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize