Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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