he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize