cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
