Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
