when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
