I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
