I wish i was in the wii world.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
