You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I'm really busy with my period
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