I am puke
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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