I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You ruined the universe
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
