i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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