No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
