I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Are we still banned from the library?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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