I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
