Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize