i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
