My hair reeks of homosexuality.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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