Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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