After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I want a musical about memes.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
