Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
NoShamevember. You game?
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
