His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
