So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
