What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Randomize
