i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
