Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it was like his penis was on wheels.
he was CRYING into my vagina
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
