dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
