If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
