He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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