I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
