Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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