batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
