You're a womanizer and a bitch.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
