i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
