Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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