What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
