hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize