ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
