so explain again why im purple
no
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
