Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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