You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
