just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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