Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
