he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The struggles of a small town man whore
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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