my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
He passed out mid-signature
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
