i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
