hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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