I wish I could teleport
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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