very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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