Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
and you fell through a lawn chair
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