I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize