My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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