I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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