I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
