you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
