the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
