Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Bring me that man meat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
