she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
