I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
