i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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