where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Yo dont text me then not text me
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
