She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
