im holly from the hills drunk
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
