also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize