we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
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