I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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