google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
