Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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