I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
