I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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