I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize