Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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