Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
