He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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