Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
