We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
