I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
