They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
