So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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