After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
