Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Im part way to drunk.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
