She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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