I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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